Yes, I Have X-Ray Vision

I grab my double espresso and large green iced tea and head to my normal spot in the corner, facing the wall. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. The woman was just wrong enough for me to deny everything and roll my eyes with a clear conscience. And, it doesn't take more than a quick google search to find out that X-ray glasses are only real in science fiction. But, how did she know that I have have X-ray vision?

I don’t know how she found out.

“Matt, we just got a call from a woman claiming that you have X-ray glasses. She’s already called the police.”

“Uh … You told her that X-ray glasses aren’t a thing,” right?”

“Yeah … but she isnt’ dropping it. She came in and talked to the owner yesterday and asked him what he was going to do about it.”

“What he say?”

“Dave said, ‘He’s a regular and I’m not going to do anything.”

“Oh … ok. Did he explain that X-ray glasses aren’t a thing?”

“Maybe, but I don’t remember.”

I grab my double espresso and large green iced tea and head to my normal spot in the corner, facing the wall. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. The woman was just wrong enough for me to deny everything and roll my eyes with a clear conscience. And, it doesn’t take more than a quick google search to find out that X-ray glasses are only real in science fiction. But, how did she know that I have have X-ray vision? That’s why I turn my computer towards the wall when I write here. I’ve gotten used to seeing all of the skin, but I still try to give people their privacy. It’s just the right thing to do. And, that’s why I wear these glasses. They don’t help me see better. They do the opposite. I can’t see anything beyond my computer when I wear them. People just look like fuzzy, flesh colored blobs and look much more dignified that way.

________________________

So, yeah … some of the above is fiction.

Yes, it is true that a weird painter woman in a visor thinks I have X-ray glasses and has reported me to the police. The rest is made up. The truth is that the glasses she’s concerned about are my old-guy readers. They’re not super fashionable and look X-ray glasses-ish, but they’re just normal and help me read the small stuff.

I’ll let you know if any more crazy creeps into my life and I’ll do my best to season it up with a little fiction. Maybe she gets her super powers from that visor. Maybe the paintings she hangs in the cafe hold subliminal messages. Maybe she’s using them to communicate with foreign spies working to disrupt the presidential election. We might have to do a little research on her. Perhaps the police should follow up on my hunch, just in case.

Have a great day!

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